Jingle Bell Rock

The holidays are here. No matter how much you tried to ignore the holiday decorations appearing some time pre-Halloween, the emergence of pumpkin spice-flavored EVERYTHING or that one radio station that has been playing Christmas carols since July, the holidays have officially kicked off.

We’ve made it through Thanksgiving, with the stretchy pants, turkey-induced comas, football, and friends & family. Now Christmas is very steadily approaching. Sure there’s a lot of shopping,
decorating and enduring awkward Dirty Santa games at work but Christmas Day will be here
soon enough and it’s better than Thanksgiving in so many ways. You still get stretchy pants and
food comas, but you get to add eggnog, Santa cookies, candy and presents. Christmas Day is
what you’ve been working for all year long.

We cheerfully present our holiday reminders that there is no reason to celebrate the season with
sweaty, itchy, chafing balls. And we’re reminding you with Christmas carols. You’re welcome.

Jingle Bell RockYou-
could spend your holiday season dancing the night away because you’re just a festive kind
of guy. Or you could rock those jingle bells for all they’re worth because they keep sticking to
your thigh. Your choice, really.

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas

It could be snow beautiful crystals, works of art produced by nature to the delight of photographers, children and jazz crooners everywhere. It could be bro snow that trail of medicated talcum powder you puffed down your pants before running out the door to your fifth Christmas party this week that leads straight to you, bub. White Christmas, indeed.

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer-

Just for a moment, replace Nose with something else, and you’ve got the perfect representation of holiday chafing. Red, painful, cracked, practically glowing: absolutely none of these words should ever be used when referring to your mistletoe down below. Solution: HappySacs

Blue Christmas-

After a night of spiked spiced cider, more eggnog than should be allowed for one man and a hearty helping of rum cake, you and your naughty elf decide to make merry the old fashioned way. But you strip off that ugly Christmas sweater, drop trou and the odor that wafts up from your permanent holiday ornaments is a little less than Fresh Winter Pine. Let your hook up get a whiff of that and your Christmas will be pretty blue indeed.

Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire

This one needs no explanation. None. At. All.

Spend your more of your holiday season enjoying the treats, family and fun and less of it
jangling your jingle bells around just trying to find something comfortab